Living a Life That Wasn't Mine
I'll never forget the day I realized I was living a life that wasn't mine...
I was feeling so lost. I couldn't remember how I got there, and I was determined to figure out why I felt so... empty. I can't remember what prompted it, probably a book or podcast, but I started making a list of EVERYTHING I could think of in my life. I listed out the things I wore, the jewelry I put on, the music I listened to, the friends I had, the groups I was a part of, the things I purchased, the food I was eating, the furniture I had, the way I decorated, the holiday traditions, the workouts I was doing... I mean you name it!!! Everything that was taking up any sort of space in my life was written down in my iPhone notes!
Once I had it all down, I went back through it. I typed "Yes", "No", or "?" by each of the things that I listed. Yes if they were things I actually liked doing. No if they weren't. Question mark if I wasn't sure... which I used the "7 Why's" to figure out.
Wow... My eyes were opened. I didn't realize HOW MANY things I was doing that I actually did NOT like or enjoy or had no idea WHY I was doing them.
It was that day that I started changing a LOT about my habits, my environment and my involvement in the community. I realized I was doing a lot of things out of obligation, comparison, and down right fear of how I would be seen by others, including those closest to me.
It's a lonely feeling to realize that who you are has become as fake as the smile on your face. So much of who I was became shaped by trying to please one of the most important people in my world at the time.
The power that came from rediscovering who I really was turned out to be an absolute earth-shaker to those around me! I turned some heads, hurt some feelings, and rubbed some people the wrong way. And you know what? I FOUND myself again! I started getting my SPARKLE back! And when that happened, I found out who REALLY loved me. It wasn't at all what I thought, and it was BETTER than I thought. It started me on a healing journey that helped me move from Shattered to Unbreakable!
Whenever I begin Coaching someone my first step is always to figure out WHY they are living the life they are living.
If someone feels stuck, the best way to get to the root of it is to ask the 7 Why's. This is a technique that has been used in coaching for ages and you can use it ANY time you are feeling stuck or lost in a situation, relationship, decision, etc. Ask yourself "Why" 7 times.
1. Why am I wanting to publish this Reclaim Journal?
The process of losing myself and sinking to the lowest of low was the most painful and lonely experience of my life. I never want anyone else to have to go through that.
2. Why do you think the Journal will help women avoid this?
It has the same exercises I did over the course of 5 years, but they can go through it in one.
3. Why is that timeline important?
Those 5 years were excruciating. I had multiple suicidal ideations a day. I was made crazy by the back and forth love bombing, gaslighting and devaluing. I had no idea sometimes if I was even mentally stable enough to analyze the situation or if I was just completely crazy.
4. Why is this important to your cause?
When mothers aren't confident, neither are their kids. I've recently watched videos of myself talking to my kids and I look completely dead. There is no life in my eyes and there is no tone in my voice. It's like I am an empty shell. My daughter tried to tell me something that she thought was funny and I barely reacted. This kind of disassociation could have ended up permanently affecting my kids and their identity in themselves.
5. Why is that significant?
Our kids are innocent. Confidence issues in the parent are not the fault of the children, but they 100% feel the effects of it. If mothers cannot find inner joy and self-respect, our kids have no example of a healthy, happy and prosperous life. All they will see is depression, anxiety and emptiness... and now the mental health pandemic makes sense.
6. Why does that fire you up?
Because we don't realize how important it is to BE the example. Being a great parent is about so much more than cooking from scratch and crafting. I was doing all of those things. Homemade laundry soap, homemade Christmas gifts, homemade mints, homemade pie crusts, discount this, discount that, crafts for this, crafts for that. But I was a shell. It didn't matter how hard I tried, if I wasn't able to show them self-respect by example, they would not be able to learn it for themselves. And it showed in the way they treated me and the way they treated each other. If you don't respect yourself, how is anyone else going to?
7. Why is self-respect so important?
It is the ultimate road to happiness. Nothing in your life will lead you to true happiness if you don't have self-respect. It is the catalyst to everything. And the Reclaim Journal teaches women self-respect. I HAVE to publish it!
Do you see how this locates a deeper meaning? If I were to let overthinking and doubt take over my conversation would like more like this... "I don't know if I should publish this, there are so many other journals out there by people who are way more experienced than me. I should just recommend THEIR books and not risk doing this and then failing and looking like an idiot."
Without the 7 Why's I wouldn't have this DEEP passion and belief that this journal could quite literally CHANGE the next generation of our children by creating healthy, mentally solid and self-respecting moms that SHOW their kids what it looks like to live an unbreakable life!
Just saying that makes it feel SO important that I HAVE to publish it, no matter what. Even if it fails, if it just changes ONE mom's life, it was worth it!
Is your life different from the life you wanted? Are you feeling lost? Empty? Is it time for you to move from Shattered to Unbreakable so that you can really step into your best life? Is it time to show your kids who you REALLY are?
Obviously you know that there is the Reclaim Journal to help guide you through self-discovery and finding yourself again. What you DON'T know is that there is a NEW RECLAIM PODCAST coming out November 22nd!!! So if you want more information, subscribe to the reclaimjournal.com site so you will get the email reminder when it airs!
The podcast is called Shattered to Unbreakable and it will be packed with skills and tools for you to piece yourself back together whether you have a little crack or you are shattered to pieces! With my own tips as well as expert guest speakers, we will help you learn to replace comparison with self-discovery, creating a compounding culture of authentic self-respect that will inevitably reach your kids!
I'm so excited to have another way to connect with you! Let's Go!!!